Sunday, August 22, 2010

No Write Way Redux (part 3 Drink To Success)

(read part 1, part 2

  Maybe you've tried everything I've suggested so far, and you're disappointed to find that you're still not a great writer. Don't worry. Most of us aren't. But there are other tricks we can try.
There's a story that Hunter S. Thompson used to re-type the novels of the “greats” like Faulker, word-for-word, so he could hear the “music” behind the language. That sounds like some brilliant myth-making bullshit to me, but we'll go with it. Maybe we can find some common element behind the methods of now-famous authors. Model their methods, and you model their success.
  If you take a hard look at the lives of Hemingway, Joyce, Poe, Hunter S. Thompson, Faulkner, Burroughs, Bukowski, and many other writers who have gained the mantle of post-mortem fame, we can see one commonality: they weren't teetotalers. That's a nice way of saying they were fucking drunks. (Many of them also had dead wives, but murder is right out.)
  If nothing else has worked for you, you too should try drinking. I suggest a good single malt scotch. At least 15 years in the cask. Some writers prefer a finer scotch than that, but I think that your writing skills will improve regardless of the vintage. After all, Hunter wasn't so selective. He drank Wild Turkey like it was water, and he was a fcking genius.
  You might still be staring at that blank screen with a feeling of horror. Spin the ice around in the glass. A firm, hefty glass. You want to feel the weight ofit in your hand. Stare through the ice to the source of your inner creativity as the ice slowly comes back to rest. For meThe sound of icee swirling brings on inspiration to unlock worls for your reader.
  Dont take my word for itf you dont beleve me. By way of demonstgraintg to you the effectiveness of this technique I have been taking a slug myself with each couple sentences. It's like mehtod acting in motion. A smooth action motion like the bolt of a rifle or draught of godhood. Drink to success, not excess. Are you a genius yet? I am
  If you still don't habve a grasp of your plot or characters, have another. Eventyally it'll work. Open up to the dfjf and moood enuff to wind the wyndlesssss. Tentacles. Plot twees.
     Terrors of night awAIT--

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